Like a Newborn

It feels like I have a newborn again. The four hour feeds, being up a lot at night and sleeping in the same room as Maddox brings back all those newborn memories. I even have a hard time leaving the house without him. The neat part is that when he was a newborn, he was so miserable and I was so tired and had postpartum depression for 6 months before realizing it, that I didn't really enjoy those newborn moments a's much as I wanted to. But now, Maddox isn't that miserable, the depression is being treated, and I am not nearly as exhausted. It's like I've been given a second chance to have those moments, if that makes sense. So, in a way it is a gift, and I am thankful for this bonding period with Maddox. Believe me, we are bonding more.

We had a different home care nurse again today and I hope she can remain our permanent one. Our regular one has been out with an emergency so we have been seeing different ones. I love our regular home care nurse. She is fantastic! And so is the one we saw today. But I "clicked" with the nurse we saw today. You know how you can just "click" with someone? I don't know if she felt that way, but I did. I have no complaints with our regular nurse, I really don't. She is great with Maddox and has been very helpful. I don't know what it is. This nurse mentioned that Maddox may be put on her caseload, so we'll see. Either way, I am happy.

The nurse said that Maddox is feeling the tube moving in his nose when he chews, that's why it feels like his nose is getting bigger. She also said it's normal for him to not want to sleep alone.

I learned about the different types of syringes today. I never knew there was a difference between them. I recently read that if a person learns about new things often, it can help prevent Alzheimers, or at least delay the onset. Well, I am learning a lot, so I guess I am helping fight against that disease. And I am not joking about Alzheimers. Watching Craig's Mom go through that and taking care of her has taught me the seriousness of that wretched disease.

I was able to see my brother Derek today. It's always so nice when the whole family is together. The boys loved seeing their "Uncle Terry". We all got together at my parents' house to put together the party favors for the wedding. What a blast! And man, my Mom put a ton of work into these favors and had everything so well organized, the favors were finished very quickly. Kudos to Mom! And she made sure nothing was done 2nd rate.

Last night I almost threw up when I saw Maddox sleeping with the feeding tube. Some days this is all so overwhelming and frightening, even though everything is going exceptionally well. Today was one of those days where I had to remind myself to "just breathe". I will be so glad when this is all done. I was praying today that our days would be full so the time would pass quickly. Tomorrow will be 2 weeks since we came home from the hospital. Sometimes it feels like a few days ago, and other times it feels like an eternity ago.

I am getting used to the stares of others when we are out and about. It's hard to see the double takes, but it's to be expected. As I read on another blog "he has a tube coming out of his nose for heaven's sakes". People usually start smiling though because Maddox is being himself; dancing, humming, role playing, jabbering, and on occasion, screaming. Oh the screaming. It isn't as often as it used to be, but good grief is it loud. And he could care less where he is when he feels it is necessary to express his frustration with me. Talk about lessons in not caring what other people think. But one of these days I am going to say "just wait until I tell your mom how you were screaming" ;).

Time to refill his bag. Only 2 more days until my brother's wedding!!