Goodbyes

We said goodbye to Alicia last Friday. It still seems unreal, her suddenly gone. We really thought it would be a slow goodbye, one where we would see the signs early, not a sudden death. Maddox thinks Heaven is at "Grammy's place with the fireplace" and Mason doesn't know what he will miss more "her pancakes or french toast".

The boys each made a scrapbook page with pictures of them and Grammy. Mason did his independently and wrote down things he liked about Grammy. Maddox added his stickers by himself and colored around (and on) the pictures. He told me a couple of things he liked about Grammy.

The pictures are all out of order. I think I may have to use a different blogging system. or at least talk to support on Blogger. I cannot change the font and moving pictures around is nearly impossible. These are the flowers at the cemetary. It was an amazing service at the cemetary. Everything was white, white, white, there was a light, but very cold wind, and snow falling and blowing, and a woman sang a traditional Finnish hymn in Finnish. And the flowers were sooo colorful against the cold, white background. It was unreal.

These are the tennies she wore all the time. We saw her in them in pictures dated 2005!! She refused to wear anything else or get anything else, except she complained about them all the time. The cards are because she loved to play cards and still usually won. And the half eaten Kashi Bar is from Maddox. He left that there, but it was so appropriate, because he loved to eat his snacks with Grammy, Kashi Bars are his favorite, and Grammy thought they were a gourmet treat and that I made them.

The boys all hung out here in the Nursery with my sister and brother. My mom was in there too at some point, but I heard all she did was play games on my Ipad ;). We are SOO THANKFUL and GRATEFUL for my family coming to the funeral. They hung out with the boys and we didn't have to worry about them at all. They would come and grab one of them without us asking and knew exactly what to do. It helped us focus on the funeral and the other people who came and allowed us to meet many relatives we hadn't met before. My family is incredible.
Dominic took the boys out of the house one morning so I could make phone calls and get caught up on housework. Junal came over several evenings to put Maddox down, and she came Monday night so Craig and I could take a nap. She fed the boys, put Maddox down and hung out with Mason until we woke up. She also came over Wed night and helped me with the collages and Maddox. She bathed him, got him his snack, put him down and went and got him everytime he woke up (3 times) so I could pick out and crop the pictures. Then she helped me set up the collages. Did I mention I have an amazing family?

My Dad came over early Mon a.m. (around 1:00 a.m.) so I could meet Craig at the ER when it became clear Alicia wasn't doing well. If my Dad hadn't come, I would not have been able to be there with Craig. My mom took my severa phone calls late Sun night and early Mon morning and she took the boys all day Mon after the funeral so I could go through all of Alicia's paperwork and file it and sort it. It. took. hours. and there is no way I could have done it at night or during the day with the boys home. Seriously, my family helped out sooo much and I know I am forgetting some other ways they helped, so if they are reading this, I am sorry!

This was her favorite pew to sit in and everyone in church knew she liked to sit in this pew.

Me, Craig, and Randy-Craig's brother.

This was bright and early the morning of the funeral. The boys were awakened at 6:30 am and were happy and cheerful and fully cooperative. They had no problems wearing the button up shirts and played nicely. It was a perfect morning.

Maddox of course found the fountain within 10 minutes of being there. The funeral director got a kick out him. We were there 45 minutes early to set up the collages.

This is a neat shot, when it is at the correct angle. ugh.now I can't center the text anymore.

It is still wierd to think that she is gone, just like that. Makes me try to enjoy each day more, because you just never know. It is sad too. I have moments when I am just so sad. It was hard while she was living with us; very hard. But we were able to have a new relationship, like a grandma kind of relationship, and it was nice. All the years of the other relationship and we had 6 months of a nice one. I wish it could have lasted longer. And taking care of her the way I did, it is hard to explain, but I cared about her in a different way. I don't know. It is all hard to explain. So much of my time was consumed with thoughts of her, I don't know what to do with myself sometimes. Whenever I am out in the stores I find myself thinking "Oh yeah. we need to get her some Valentine decorations; I wonder if she would wear this shirt; I should call and see if she needs more lotion, shampoo, etc..;" At home I am thinking " this craft would look perfect in her window/room; what day should we visit her this week; I wonder how she is doing today". But then I have to stop myself.

Craig is doing as well as someone does when they lose a parent. I feel bad for him because he has no parents left. He is an orphan now. He doesn't talk about it much.

I think we are still trying to process everything. We haven't cleaned out her apt yet at the facility, that will be the hardest part I think.