Expolsive

There's a whole lot of explosive things going on around here.

Maddox is having explosive diarrhea 2-3 times a day.
He is also projectile vomiting at least once a day.
His temper has become extremely explosive (which I can't blame him because of previous 2 items listed)

sigh

I am definitely not parenting, I am just reacting and feel like I could explode at any minute.

Maddox is not tolerating the feedings right now, and no one knows why, because he isn't consistent (typical for Maddox).  We have been adjusting things and it's just not working well.  1-2 times a day Maddox will throw up after a feeding, but there is no rhyme or reason to it, and he is getting far less at at feeding than he was in late October (he didn't throw up then).  We do have a system now, for when he feels like he is going to throw up. We put him on the toilet and then I pull some of the formula out of his stomach, a little at a time, until the nausea goes away.  It's better than him throwing up the entire feeding.  We need to sit with him through the entire feeding, because sometimes he will start feeling nauseous halfway through the feeding, and when he is going to blow, it's quick. There's a lot of anxiety involved with his feedings. He is getting anxious because he has realized the nausea is related to the feedings. 

I am hoping this is from the ng tube being in for so long. Maybe it's just irritating his tummy and once the g-tube is in, he'll get back on track quickly.  I am tempted to put him on the overnight feedings again, even though no one will be getting any sleep.

Last night we tried to put him on a slow feeding over night, but he was thrashing and talking about throwing up in his sleep, so we shut it off.  Typically he gets a 6 hour feed starting at 9:30pm and I get up at 3:30 to unhook him and shut the pump off. (which is exhausting, then he crawls in bed with us around 5:00am and I am too tired to put him back in bed)

He is also having diarrhea a couple times a day.  It is beginning to look like this happens shortly after a feeding, so I think it has something to do with the nausea, but again, they don't always coincide with each other.  I am documenting everything right now to see if there is some type of pattern I can tell the doctors about.

He is extremely irritable. Screaming and crying about anything and everything. It is exhausting. He is hitting and kicking and throwing items, having all out fits and meltdowns. I feel like all I am doing is putting out fires between him and Mason and disciplining them both all day.  And my parenting sucks right now. 

He is a sweetie though and gives the best hugs and loves. He is so excited by little things and is too darn cute for his own good.  He just does everything LARGE. Everything.  And he is nonstop. Non-stop motion and talking and noise.  And nonstop cuteness and love.

So, another whine fest post. Sorry my readers of few.  It feels good to get it out and helps me get some perspective once I do get it out. It isn't complete mayhem over here (at least not every day :) ) and I love these two boys more than life.  I am just tired and getting anxious about the g-tube as we approach the date for that.  I'm most afraid of recovery for Maddox. I don't want him to be in any pain.