Questioning

Maddox had his tube replaced yesterday. They put him completely under to do it. I am questioning if we should have had it done that way.

If Maddox cannot eat 400-500 calories on his own with the tube, he will need to get a tube that goes right into his stomach (g-tube). We meet with the GI doc on the 25th to discuss that option. I am questioning if we should have had his tube changed. Maybe we should have gone straight to the g-tube.

All of this is much bigger than I imagined it would be. The new tube is different, and the parts that are supposed to attach to it to feed him, don't fit well, so I have been on the phone with the medical supply company trying to figure this out. It seems that there is so much more frustration with this stuff than there needs to be. And I am not the only one. Any parent that I have known who has had to deal with this stuff goes through the same thing.

While I was comforting Maddox as he was waking up from the anethesia, the anesthesiologist told me he didn't think insurance would pay for the procedure because it's a pricey one and it will get their attention. Seriously?!?! That's what I needed to hear at that moment? And what's it to him anyway? He wouldn't allow me to sit with Maddox a's he went under (everywhere else I have gone I have been allowed to) and Maddox was screaming at the top of his lungs "I want Momma!!!! Momma!!!!!!". It was horrible. And he had such a hard time waking up, screaming and crying for a good 30 minutes. We were in this large room and they kept wheeling bodies in of people who just finished surgery. Some were moaning and snoring and making weird noises. It was like we were in some horror movie.

So today I am questioning everything. Maybe we should have just gone with a g-tube in the beginning. Maddox just can't seem to get past the tube in his nose. That is what's interfering with his eating. I don't know. I have so many thoughts swirling in my head right now.